Breathe in....

Breathe out...🌬

I hope that moment of pause felt resourceful.

I want to take a moment to share something more personal with you.

I’ve struggled with debilitating anxiety my entire life.

Thankfully, it has been much more manageable over the past four years. But it took a lot of time and effort to understand my own brain and recognize the signals in my body to get here.

In the past, my anxiety would show up as a debilitating freeze during grade school, college, and even in the workplace. It could be triggered by anything—from someone being rude to me at a coffee shop to having to send a tense email.

Sometimes, it would get so bad that I’d uncontrollably shake, my shoulders would feel as tense as rocks, and I’d find myself unable to fight back tears that had been building for days, weeks, or even months.

It wasn’t until my mid-twenties that I invested in a therapist, and it wasn’t until 2020 that I regularly incorporated mindfulness into my mental health care.

There’s no silver bullet for anxiety. What I’ve learned is that it’s a day-in and day-out practice. Not every day is great; some days are harder than others.

Last week I had one of those tough days. I recently discovered that my mother has reconnected with multiple siblings she never knew existed. She grew up in foster care, and for my entire life, I’ve been her only blood relative.

We used to tell the story that she was abandoned because she was mixed race in an unforgiving and racist suburban community in the 1960s and that it would have been too hard for her birth mother - a white teen mom - to raise a Black girl alone.

Now we know that her birth father—my grandfather, whom I unfortunately never got the chance to meet—was an activist for Black rights, an artist, and a loving father to five children who now want to be part of my life and my mom’s.

While this news seems positive on paper, it has been overwhelming and has sparked a need for deeper practice in managing the many emotions that are surfacing.

That’s the thing about life: it doesn’t slow down for our convenience.

Life unfolds in unexpected ways, and our journey is not fixed; it’s fluid.

Mindfulness has given me the gift of acceptance for what I can't control.

Though I've had moments where unpleasant or traumatic memories and feelings come up during my practice, I recognize the thoughts and emotions, and over time, they become easier to accept and, if they’re not serving me, easier to let go.

💛 When I pause to look around, I realize how absolutely beautiful my life is.
💛 I’m grateful for all that I have and for the love that surrounds me.

I recognize it's a journey.

Mindfulness isn’t a one-size-fits-all practice, and it certainly isn’t the same for me every day. Research gives us confidence, and we practice providing awareness around the diverse tools of mindful awareness, promoting the agency to support people's needs. What may work one day, week, or year might not serve you the next time.

So on days like today—World Mental Health Awareness Day—we are challenged to confront any unconscious biases we may have around mental health, which 1 in every 5 adult Americans faces daily (NAMI).

Mental illness, unlike physical illness, can often go unnoticed. I believe this perception of "invisibility" is why I get up every day to work at the Community Mindfulness Project.

I, like you and all of us human beings, am not perfect (despite trying to convince my husband otherwise! 😌).

We, the CMP staff and facilitators who work in the world of mindfulness every day, openly recognize how much practice this requires.

Mindfulness is a practice.

Below are one of our favorites for you (you can listen to an extended Guided Equanimity & Compassion meditation here)

Equanimity.

Pausing.

Taking three deep, belly-expanding breaths

Paying attention to what it feels like to breathe deeply

Imaging yourself as a mountain: tall, strong, grounded

Your head as the peak of the mountain

Your shoulders and arms the strong sides of the mountain

Your seat the solid base of the mountain

As day turns to night, you stay solid and strong

As the weather changes, you stay solid and strong

As the seasons change, you stay solid and strong

As people come and go whether they admire you as

the mountain or not, you stay solid and strong

Resting with this sense of strength and solidity

Sensing your ability to face with balance

all that arises in life

May all beings realize their resilience

We understand the weight of fatigue and burnout, but together, with a mix of equanimity and gratitude, we can rise above it.

Through mindfulness, we find our strength and resilience, rooted in this amazing community.

In our work, we connect with teachers, survivors of gun violence, teen mothers, social workers, including all of you—our wonderful neighbors.

Thanks to you, we remain strong and hopeful. Your presence in this community makes all the difference, and we are so grateful to have you with us!

Ella Crivello

Executive Director
Community Mindfulness Project

ps. below are some additional things that made me smile this week in the hopes they may for you too: a window into my daughters mind; some poems; and, a timely meme :)