Open the Heart - Loving-Kindness
Loving-kindness, known in the Buddhist tradition as metta, one of the oldest and most widely practiced forms of meditation, invites us to extend heartfelt wishes for wellbeing to ourselves, our loved ones, acquaintances, difficult people, and all people everywhere. It is one of the most universally known meditation practices, alongside the body scan and breath awareness.
May we all be happy.
May we be healthy.
May we be safe.
May we move through this world with ease.
May we all feel supported and cared for.
It turns out the science supports what practitioners have known for centuries. A study published in the journal Emotion found that just seven minutes of loving-kindness meditation increased feelings of social connection and positivity, even toward strangers. A separate study by researcher Barbara Fredrickson found that seven weeks of regular practice was associated with broader positive emotions, greater sense of purpose, increased social support, and reduced depressive symptoms.
(Hutcherson et al., 2008, Emotion; Fredrickson et al., Journal of Personality and Social Psychology)
What are your experiences like with loving-kindness? What's it like to send heartfelt wishes to yourself? How does it feel to extend them to others?
Some of the most common feedback I hear is that extending loving-kindness to a difficult person is genuinely hard. I can relate. Sometimes my over-aspirational self will select THE MOST DIFFICULT PERSON and wow, it really is challenging. And that's worth acknowledging: meditation can be challenging. There are no promises that every moment in practice is relaxing and blissful.
Mindfulness meditation invites us to notice the present moment just as it is, which is sometimes difficult. Rather than pushing away difficult moments, emotions, or people, the practice asks whether we can hold space for them, just as they are, and simply be with the difficulty without needing to fix or resolve it.
In my meditation practice this morning I offered loving-kindness not to a difficult person, but to someone who has been a friend, someone who has offered support and kindness, yet lately the space between us feels difficult because of choices we are each making. She is not a difficult person, but the situation is complicated and feels hard. It was meaningful to approach her in this way during practice, I think because I'm hoping to move beyond these feelings, despite the situation. I realize that may sound goal-oriented, and perhaps it is. But I was curious to see how it would feel and what emotions might get stirred up.
It turned out to be a very pleasant meditation. I'm already noticing some tension melting and a softening toward her. I'll see her next week and hope to carry even a little more loving-kindness and a little less difficulty into that moment. Whatever I feel, I'll meet it with awareness and tender care.
That's the invitation for all of us. Whatever arises in loving-kindness, whether it's ease, resistance, warmth, or unexpected emotion, can we hold it with curiosity and kindness toward ourselves? The practice begins right there.
I'd love to hear what you notice during loving-kindness.
Hit reply and share.
Warmly,
Julia
Scroll down for links to recorded meditations,
blog posts, and access to upcoming events.
Join us for Outdoor Mindfulness this October in Norwalk!
10 Minute Meditation: Fostering a Sense of Connection
15 Minute Loving Kindness Practice
