Noticing Goodness - Opening to Gratitude
On a recent social media page, I read a mother's post sharing her frustration with her child's lack of gratitude, calling them an ingrate. She turned to crowdsourcing for ideas - movies that might demonstrate gratitude to her child. I could feel her frustration through the screen. Being a parent can be so hard.
It made me think about gratitude a bit more. Where and how does gratitude show up for me? Am I grateful every day, or do days pass without my noticing any gratitude at all? I also paused and reflected on how I tried to share a sense of gratitude with my own kids when they were little.
Contemplating gratitude can be a useful exercise
and may spark some new ideas for all of us.
Science is on board with gratitude: neuroscientist and researcher Dr. Rick Hanson describes the brain as being like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones. In other words, we are wired to notice what's hard, what's wrong, and what's missing and to let the good slip right by. His research, published in the Journal of Positive Psychology, found that deliberately pausing to internalize positive experiences can lower anxiety and depressed mood and increase gratitude, self-compassion, and happiness. Noticing goodness isn't just a pleasant idea. It's a practice that actually changes the brain.
(Hanson, R., Journal of Positive Psychology — explore more at rickhanson.net)
So I thought I'd share a few of my own practices, and then I'd love to hear from you. What's gratitude like for you?
Saying please and thank you. As a young child, this was really my first introduction to gratitude. It was drilled into me and I'm actually grateful it was. I love giving and receiving these small and not so small words that make people feel seen and appreciated.
Praying. While Community Mindfulness Project is a completely secular organization, my own personal life includes prayer. In a thoughtful conversation with a dear friend, we talked about what we say when we pray, and we came to a shared conclusion: it's always better to begin with a thank you than to launch straight into a laundry list of requests. This might actually be a wonderful approach to communication in general, what do you think?
Two thumbs up. We started playing this dinnertime game when my children were little. We go around the table and each person shares their two best moments from the day. It's a lovely exercise in gratitude, mindful listening, and being present with one another.
Gratitude stones. I keep a smooth stone on my bedside table. At night I hold it and bring to mind three things for which I feel grateful. I pause and notice how gratitude feels in the body.
What do all of these practices have in common?
They each ask me to pause and notice goodness, and from that noticing, gratitude naturally follows.
Here is the invitation: notice goodness.
Noticing goodness doesn't require an exotic vacation or a dramatic moment. We can find it in the most ordinary places: the taste of a homemade soup, the care someone offers when we're feeling down, the sunshine coming through the trees, hearing a favorite song, a dog curling up beside us, the ability to take a walk, or a long phone call with an old friend.
Notice goodness, and then get curious. See if gratitude is present, and how it feels.
I'd love to hear what you notice.
Hit reply and share.
Warmly,
Julia
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