I’m with Jane Doe
This story includes a mention of sexual violence.
I wasn't planning on writing this. But after a video I shared yesterday personally with the story below, many reached out with their own stories, and it felt wrong to stay quiet. This is not the time to be silent.
I'm no stranger to bearing witness to horrific stories of sexual violence. But this week has been particularly hard for a lot of people, and I've been reaching out to friends that I know are struggling. I keep coming back to how much survivors are still expected to carry on their own.
It made me realize there's a story from this year that I've only shared behind closed doors, in small group meetings with our board or supporters. Keeping it there doesn't tell the full truth of our impact. And it quietly adds to the silence and shame so many survivors live with. So I want to share it with you.
A woman in one of our weekly programs was always quite reserved. She came every week, but rarely spoke.
A common picture of meditation is the act of closing your eyes and being able to quiet down your thoughts. But for people who have survived trauma, particularly sexual violence, closing their eyes can feel unsafe or simply impossible. As part of our trauma-sensitive approach, our facilitators never require anyone to close their eyes. A mandatory part of our tranining ensures we always invite a a choice, alongside softly lowering the gaze or keeping your eyes open and aware.
After about six weeks with us, this woman shared that she had finally been able to close her eyes at night with more ease, and finally fall asleep more soundly. Then she told the group why that had been so hard. As a child, she was assaulted by her father at night.
It was not easy for her to say. But held by the women around her and by our facilitators, she said it, and she expressed her pride. Proud of a skill she had built that is supporting her health and her sleep, which is essential not only to surviving but to thriving: to working, to building a family, to the life she wants.
I don't need to tell you the numbers. She is one of more than we can count. Every week, people join our circles and slowly build trust in rooms where we can breathe and steady ourselves together, and feel a little less alone.
Today I want to celebrate her strength, her growth, and her courage in showing up for herself.
We're here for her. We're here for you.
With love,
Ella
If you or someone you love needs support, help is available 24/7, free and confidential:
The Rowan Center (lower Fairfield County, including Stamford, Norwalk, and Darien): 203-329-2929 (English) or 888-568-8332 (Spanish)
The Center for Family Justice (Bridgeport area): sexual assault hotline 203-333-2233
CT statewide sexual violence hotline: call or text 1-888-999-5545 (English), 1-888-568-8332 (Spanish)
Domestic Violence Crisis Center (Stamford and Norwalk): 203-588-9097
CT Safe Connect, statewide domestic violence line: 888-774-2900 (call/text)
National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 800-656-4673