Up All Night

How are you?  How is your new year going?

We went out to dinner a few weeks ago with friends - a lovely french restaurant.  Great conversation, great food, great wine.  Several times, the waiter topped off our glasses-- I wasn't really paying attention.  It was a wonderful evening with friends and I tucked into bed with a smile on my face. 

I woke up, though, in the middle of the night with my heart racing.  I felt awful.  It wasn’t just the early signs of a hangover, I was also kicking myself for not being more careful about how much wine I had consumed.  Unable to fall back asleep for a long time, I wallowed in a stew of physical and emotional discomfort for hours.

The next morning, I dragged myself out of bed later than usual.  No meditation - brain too foggy.  No exercise - body too exhausted from poor sleep.  I reached for a bagel and cream cheese instead of my usual fruit and granola and sat down to read the papers.  I was greeted with a half dozen articles on the deleterious effects of alcohol on one’s health.  Sheepishly, I skipped past them but curiosity got the better of me and I found myself digging in.  

I was riveted as I read about the way alcohol floods the brain with more dopamine than it can process.  This causes the brain to produce less dopamine over time, effectively reducing the joy we feel when we engage in activities we love, like exercising or being outdoors. I learned that alcohol consumption can disregulate serotonin levels, contributing to anxiety and depression.  There was the well-known fact that alcohol inhibits emotional regulation, followed by the more shocking finding that drinking has been shown to reduce gray matter density in the prefrontal cortex, limiting our ability to plan, remember and make good decisions.  Yikes!

As you know, I’ve spent the past twenty years developing a mindfulness practice.  It’s taken effort, time, discipline.   I am a happier, healthier person because I meditate.  I believe this so strongly that friends and I founded CMP so that more people could access the proven health benefits of mindful meditation.   

So, I’ve been wrestling with this all week.  After reading the articles, it’s clear to me that alcohol and meditation have opposing effects on the brain and body.  I have  to wonder:  if I have so clearly experienced the health benefits of meditation and purposefully built a life that lets me access those benefits, can I disregard the health risks of drinking alcohol?

At this point I’m not saying that I want to give up wine altogether, but my notion of a glass - or two - of wine as a harmless indulgence has definitely shifted.  As I navigate this question, I’ll lean on some of the other benefits of mindfulness:  awareness, self-compassion and curiosity.  Stay tuned!