Gratitude Brings a "Plus One"
I was stopped in my tracks, literally, while I was listening to Brené Brown’s Atlas of the Heartrecently. In it, she describes Joy as the most vulnerable emotion, which is pretty counter-intuitive, but completely put voice to something that has challenged me. When I engage in a gratitude practice - bringing into awareness blessings in my life, and resting in a felt sense of gratitude for them - I often notice that an uncomfortable emotion shows up along with the gratitude. It's like I am throwing a party and Gratitude brings a “plus one” (or more!) who isn’t as easy to get along with.
As I open the door to Gratitude, a parade of uncomfortable emotions tries to sneak in behind it: Anxiety, Fear, Resentment, Guilt. Very subtle beliefs lurk in the shadows just behind them. If I listen carefully, I might hear them whispering “I don’t deserve this”, “So many are not this fortunate”, “This joy will be short lived; the other shoe will drop soon”...
And then sometimes those party crashers hold the door for a few more uninvited guests like Disappointment (at not feeling pure gratitude like I’d expected) and Frustration or Self-Blame (because I believe I'm not doing the practice correctly).
I'm on to these pranksters, now, though. When they show up, I greet them at the door and then invite over a few supportive friends - Mindfulness of Emotions (noticing whatever is showing up, and allowing myself to be with it), Self-Compassion (being human is complicated!), and Equanimity (what's here is here, and I can hold it all). It becomes a chance to be aware of my full emotional experience, to open to all of it, and to offer myself compassion around the parts that prick my tender, exposed heart. I can also take a moment to shine a light on the beliefs hiding in the dark corners, and see them as minions of the trickster mind. By the end of the practice, I often feel like that line from Whitman’s Song of Myself, 51, “I contain multitudes.”
I want to give a shout out to four wisdom-sharers for helping me on my journey of discovery in this area.
Brené Brown - if you haven’t listened to Brené narrate one of her audio books you’re missing out on a ton of great information about life, and also a warm, intimate, funny experience. She peppers her audio books with asides like, “Okay y’all, this isn’t in the book, but I just have to share this funny story….”.
Rick Hanson’s work and words on gratitude and how to lean on it to “Hardwire Happiness” have been a tremendous source of support and joy for me.
Joseph Goldstein’s single phrase, “The mind has no shame” shows up on the regular in my practice and is a huge source of relief and humor.
And Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic (also amazing in audio form) helped me see the trickster mind in all its forms (and I think even the term "trickster mind" came from that book!).
I hope this post resonates with you in some way, and I’d love to hear whose work and words support your well-being, in meditation or otherwise.
With boundless gratitude for the community we share,
Your CMP family
